Are you worth the toilet paper you use to wipe your own ass?

by Michelle on April 27, 2011

in Exploring the shadow

Today I had a powerful mastermind session with my OBM peeps. It prompted me to create a first post for this website, which has been up for about a week with no activity on it. The first post arrives with a bang…

Are you worth the toilet paper you use to wipe your own ass?

Now, why would I start this blog with such a…crappy?…blog post? Because I want to explore the idea of crap for a minute.

What is crap? It’s everything we tolerate that we don’t have any real interest in. It’s waste. It’s the landfill of our lives. It’s where we go to dump the unwanted. It’s B.S. And often, it’s what we feed ourselves.

Have you ever fed yourself a line of crap? Have you ever bought into your own B.S.?

I sure as hell have. It’s not pretty. It’s a very stinky, messy situation.

Often our tendency as human beings is to stay in our comfort zones. It’s very easy to stay here, play in the dirt, roll around on the ground and whatnot. The comfort zone is our spiritual landfill. A place where we can start rotting if we’re not careful.

My comfort zone, up till now, was to hide behind a screen. Hide behind someone else’s glory. Stay where nobody could see me. That’s my spiritual rot zone.

But as a result of talking with my mastermind group today, I now know I must make a decision. This decision is one that involves claiming my worth and figuring out if I’m willing to do that.

Why would anybody have trouble claiming their worth?

If three thousand dollars was sitting there on the table waiting for you to take it, wouldn’t you grab it? Or would you (if you grew up entrenched in poverty mentality like I did) come up with a list of reasons why it would not be possible for you to take that money?

That’s exactly what I’ve been doing for the past ten, twenty years…coming up with reasons why I can’t take that money. I’ve been investing time, energy, and attention to proving to myself that it’s impossible for me to just walk up and collect those funds.

Now substitute “funds” for anything positive in life. A new business deal, an exciting opportunity, participation in some event, even the ability to sit down in front of someone and have a conversation.

How often do we talk ourselves out of believing all this stuff is possible? How often do we submit to your own crap?

For me that answer is “Quite often – up until now.”

Time to flush the toilet.

Now to explain the title of this post. My friend Tiffany asked a question that illuminated everything in my world. She said, “Are you worth it?” (I was trying to muster up the courage to offer an expensive product to people I know.)

Her question made me look at individual objects and circumstances in my life that I’ve taken for granted:

- Are you worth the $25 it takes to enjoy electricity each month?

- Are you worth eating? (are you worth the $100 it takes to buy groceries and put food on the table?)

- Are you worth somebody paying you three grand to write their website?

I thought about this further, and of course my sick mind wanted to go straight to crap-talk.

-Are you worth the toilet paper you wipe your ass with? Are you worth the $11 24-pack of toilet paper rolls that lasts several weeks?

lol.

Of course you are worth that. Especially since you’ve been buying toilet paper for years and it’s just a routine thing.

-Are you worth this life?

That’s a bigger question, and of course you are worth this life. Because if you’re worth toilet paper, then you’re also worth this life…since only living beings require toilet paper.

I am sorry for any yucky visuals that may have come up as a result of you reading this post, but I’ve been told by a little bird that “yuck” is actually where the gold is hiding. If you can get down and dirty, and just explore that, you find some sort of treasure at the end of it all.

Consciously exploring this landfill, with purposeful energy directed towards it, is our best bet in finding out what to do with our lives. The alternative is literally groveling in shit. Rolling around unconsciously, unintentionally, in our own mess. As conscious beings – entities who have been given the gift of being able to think purposefully - none of us really want that.

Our deepest yearning, at the very core of our souls, is to act consciously, to purposefully create something we actually want. Not something we must tolerate because we “have” to.

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